So Now You’re a Zombie
- By John Austin (Zombiologist)
- Zombification process
- Zombie Advantages
- Survival Tips for Zombies
- Zombie Fighting Tactics More…
So Now You’re a Zombie
When the Zombie Apocalypse inevitably strikes mankind will be divided into two groups: the survivors and the zombies. We all like to think that we will be one of the survivors; barricading the family into our well-prepared apocalypse bunker or heading for the hills in a well-stocked zombie combat vehicle. Even rushing to the nearest mall to shop ’til we drop, literally.
But have you considered for a moment that you might not be that lucky? that it’s a very real possibility that you might end up a zombie before you have even had time to pack your fire starters or pick up your crossbow?
Face the Inevitable
Given that your chances of survival are probably slim at best, perhaps you should face the inevitable and accept that your future career path may involve a little less living and a lot more biting. If you are a practical sort of person and think you could make the zombie-look work for you, then it might be a good idea to start looking at the positive aspects of becoming a zombie.
Embrace your inner zombie
For a start, you aren’t going to be filling in any of those pesky tax returns anymore. Just think of all those boring mundane tasks that will no longer be necessary once you embrace your new undead existence!
The simple Zombie Life
No more commuting, social networking, weekends with the inlaws, protecting the house from the outlaws. It will free up a lot of your time from worrying about needless tasks leaving you free to concentrate on the more urgent requirements such as who to eat first and how to catch them.
Once you unburden yourself from the task of worrying about how to survive the zombies and start viewing them as the new elite group to which you will soon be invested, it really does put things in a simpler perspective.
Zombies have few Needs
Zombies do have a lot going for them. They are the most altruistic group of individuals ever to exist. They don’t turn on each other but they do work together to catch those pesky humans. With no pulse or circulatory system zombies don’t feel the cold, don’t need to own a house, don’t need money and they don’t borrow your lawn mower and not give it back.
Use your Brains
If you start to appreciate being a zombie as a possible career path rather than an affliction, it soon becomes apparent that you are going to have to adopt a whole new approach to things. This will not be something you can adapt to gradually, these changes will be instant, they will be dramatic and if you don’t hit the ground running you might find the last thing that goes through your mind is a Daryl Dixon crossbow dart.
Prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse Now
For this reason, you really should do some preparation up front. There is still time to pack in some research to give yourself a fighting chance as a zombie. What you really need is to get your hands on a copy of “So now you’re a Zombie. A handbook for the recently undead.”
Be the Best Zombie
This book is an absolute treasure for the ambitious zombie who wants to get ahead, or several heads, and hopefully packed full of brains. Through the expert guidance of zombiologist: John Austin, “So Now You’re a Zombie” will teach you everything you will need as a member of the undead.
How to Survive as a Zombie
For instance, being undead can be disorienting if you don’t expect it. With arms and other appendages having a tendency to rot and drop off you will have to acquire skills to keep control over all your limbs. “Now you are a Zombie” will give you practical insights on how to survive including how to hunt, how to fight and how to outwit humans.
Pick the right Brains
In this new zombiphobic world your challenges will be less about who’s who and more about where’s who and how to pick his brains. History is a great way of preventing the mistakes of the past from happening again. “Now you are a zombie” is packed with invaluable information about your zombie predecessors, significant events in zombie history, the modern zombie and the stages of zombification.
Zombie Fighting Tactics
Zombies need a whole new approach to their means of survival, particularly their fighting skills. Hone your Ghoul Reach, practice your Flanking Zack, master the Bite Hold and learn the Aerial Fall. Strategic moves like these are essential for zombie survival along with knowing how to extract humans from a boarded up farmhouse and winkling them out from a broken down vehicle.
These skills and other invaluable information for zombie survival are all packed into the pages of “Now you’re a zombie”. Don’t wait for the apocalypse to get your hands on a copy. It could be awkward for all sorts of reasons.
So Now You’re a Zombie Verdict
If you accept the inevitable zombie apocalypse then you are smart enough to know that you are most likely going to end up as a zombie. This book is packed with invaluable information on how to survive the apocalypse, as a zombie; from food pyramids and fighting techniques to pretend zombies and the Zombie code.
This book is essential reading for all zombies or potential zombies. It is witty, imaginative, graphically descriptive and thoroughly entertaining. If you are a huge zombie fan you are going to love this book.
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